I wanna hold your hand
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: When Olivia gets offered a transfer, she is torn between staying and going... will her feelings stop her from leaving her partner, or will the duo be torn apart by the blunt indifference of Elliot reaction to the news... Ps. I believe in happy endings. :
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, so I was watching BEEF and I noticed that every moment they walked in the opening credits… E&O would brush against each other, I couldn't help but smile and think about a FF, so off the top of my head, I came up with this… :)_

She walked side by side with him, through the streets of New York City, closer to him than actually necessary. He doesn't seem to notice; his shoulder bumps hers inconspicuously as they reach another block. She feels his jacket connect with hers. Her hands sway aimlessly by her side, occasionally smacking against his own. Again, he doesn't notice, and if he does he never says anything to indicate that it bothers him.

Her hair blew into her face as the cold New York air brushed against her cheeks. It was bitter cold. She tucked her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ears, not that it stayed in place. Uncooperatively it swayed in time with the wind. She'd grown her hair out now, and it bothered her at times, thought she felt more feminine; she missed the short easy-kept length. The wind always left it untouched.

She groaned when she brushed it across her head in vain.

He looked over at her, bumping her shoulder as he laughed. "Still getting used to it, huh?"

She smiled. "Something like that. I think I should cut it again," she muttered, tucking it back for the umpteenth time.

His face turned serious. "Nuh, don't do that, it looks good… you look…" he seemed to trail off.

"Like a girl?" she guessed.

He nodded. "That too."

Olivia didn't ask what he'd been thinking. They walked for a moment in silence, until they reached a taco stand.

"You want some lunch?" Elliot offered pulling his wallet from his back pocket.

"Might as well," she nodded stopping beside him, again, closer than actually necessary. She checked her watch. It was past 3 o'clock, but lunch for the SVU team, didn't run on a standard 24 hour clock, for them it ran on SVU time. Sometimes they didn't eat for 12 hours, if a case had taken priority. Any chance they got to stop, they usually took it.

He paid for the tacos and purchased a cup of tea for her. She'd been drinking tea for three years now, while he sipped on his coffee in a desperate attempt to stay awake. The day had been long. Neither had slept in more than 24 hours, which certainly wasn't unusual.

"How's Eli?" Olivia asked making conversation as they headed back towards the precinct. They'd questioned the family of a victim, who had been only a few blocks from the station. It seemed wasteful to take a car, and it was much quicker to walk than to be stuck in traffic. Besides, the fresh air kept them awake.

"He's cute," Elliot answered with a proud fatherly smile. Olivia had a strong tie to the child. She had been there when he was born, watched as Kathy had given birth in the back of an ambulance after a car accident they had been involved in. She wouldn't say it was the worse situation she'd been in, but definitely intense. Elliot had never hidden his love for his children, it was one of the many things that Olivia admired him for; she found it both charming and mature. He was family orientated despite his dedication to the job. She wasn't sure if that was a blessing or curse. It had never been easy for Kathy, who had raised all of his five children on her own, while he had attended to cases involving horrific acts of violence.

"He climbs onto my lap the other night," he smiled thinking back. "And tucks his head under my chin. There's no feeling quite like it…"

He saw the pain splash evidently across her face, so quick that he had almost missed it. He instantly felt guilty. He forgot sometimes that his rambling about his family made her sad; he forgot that she never had anyone to go home to. Not a pet, or a sister, or a mother… she had a brother that reared his head from time to time, but never enough to satisfy her loneliness. No, he was the only man in her life.

Olivia smiled. "He's an angel…"

"I'm sorry," he wrinkled his nose in that cute way he did.

"About what?" she asked innocently.

"I forget how alone you are sometimes," he admitted.

"I can hold my own," she reminded him.

"I know." He never doubted that. She was a strong woman. Stronger than anyone else he had ever encountered. He admired her for that, for her strength alone, among many other qualities that she possessed. She was one in a million. It was the one thing that he never took for granted, the one person that he never stopped trying to be better for.

Olivia laughed. "You're going soft, Stabler."

"Shut up, Benson…" he smiled with the same playfulness that she had. "Don't you go slandering my name around and ruining my reputation."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she said shaking her head.

"Hey?"

They reached the entrance to the precinct. Olivia stopped and turned around.

"You wanna grab a bite for dinner?" he asked.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You don't need to do that. I'm fine, besides, Kathy and the kids need you more than I do…" she reminded him.

Sometimes he wasn't so sure.

He nodded and they walked into the building. At their desks, they wrote out paperwork, busying themselves silently as they made note of the interview they'd had with the victim's family. The case files would be later stored for evidence if it were to come up again.

Cragen stuck his head out for an update, and went back into his office to leave them alone.

The day finally drew to a close, and they were due for some shut eye. Olivia was looking forward to Chinese take-away and a good book.

"You sure you don't want to hit a restaurant with me?" he offered again as they headed out the door. She struggled wither jacket and he slid it over her shoulder, brushing his hand across her neck. She shivered. "I make good eye candy on your arm…" he teased.

"In your head," she smiled. "Nuh, I'm fine. Really… go home, El. Say hi to Kathy for me."

Elliot sighed with disappointment. "Yeah, okay."

They both went their separate ways.

Elliot watched her for a moment as she disappeared through the crowd of people. It was hard to believe that she was still alone, even if she was 'married to the job', he swore that if he wasn't married he would- NO, he wasn't allowed to take that road. For her, it was off limits. It was one rule that he'd never break. He'd never touch her. Never hurt her. She was out of bounds to him.

_Since it was my first chapter I chose NOT to leave it on a cliff-hanger. But I can't promise where the next few chapters will go… hope you like it enough to post a review. Good or bad, are welcome :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for taking an interest in this story… enjoy and happy reading :)_

_I shall TRY my hardest to keep this IN character but MAYBE as time goes on it could become OOC. Tell me if I'm taking it into a direction you don't wanna go… :)_

As she lay there awake, her eyes counting the tiles on the ceiling, she could feel the brush on her neck, where he had touched her. His touch was overpowering at times, just like those piercing blue eyes of his that haunted her dreams more nights than she could stand. His lips would- no, she wouldn't- COULDN'T think of him that way. He was married. He had _always_ been married.

Olivia had thought about marriage. But she had always decided against it. Her hours were long, and her dedication was obsessive. Whoever was insane enough to marry her would never get any time to spend with her. Her heart was with the job, where it had been for years.

Finally sleep claimed her, and she drifted off, getting barely four hours sleep before her alarm clock buzzed from the night stand. Her eyes hurt when she tried to open them, and she made an effort to take a shower, she was drained by the time she was ready to leave for work. She took a cab to the precinct and saw that he was already at his desk.

"Morning, Liv," he announced in that casual way he did, like he carried no burden.

"Hi," she responded tiredly, next to the little sleep she managed, she was in no mood for conversation. Elliot handed her a cup of coffee and smiled.

"Might help," he offered.

She took it gratefully. "Yeah…"

She busied herself in the latest case, before Cragen called her into his office.

Olivia was ordered to close the door.

"I never did like the game playing," he began. "So I'll get straight to the point. Hummers have offered you a position with them, for the next two years, you'll be working with special needs children who have been abused."

"What- Captain," she shook her head. "I didn't request that."

"I know," he nodded. "It's a great opportunity for you. They requested you, remembering how well you did with Maria…"

"The 911 call," she remembered.

"Yes. Everyone knows about that. Listen, it's up to you, but I advise you at least give it some serious thought. Your job is here when you're done there, that is if you want it, and if you don't want this position with Hummers, well… you still work here."

"Thanks Captain," she said feeling slightly overwhelmed. She made her exit and returned to the desk across from her partner. She couldn't manage to look at him.

"What?" he asked bluntly seeing the expression on her face. Elliot never liked games either, and there had been VERY few secrets between them.

"I just got offered a job transfer… for two years," she said.

The look on his face was pure poker. She hated that.

_Let me know you're interested in the next chapter… How will Elliot react when he finally lets her in on his feelings regarding this? Will she like it? Find out by reviewing and telling me to post more :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I've been a busy girl… lol… but hopefully the chapter will make up for it. :)_

Elliot couldn't stand the silence.

"Are you going to take the job?" he asked cautiously.

She looked up, trying to read his face, trying to find an answer in his eyes.

"I don't know…" she answered honestly. "I really don't know."

He nodded.

"It sounds like a good opportunity," he told her. "Maybe you should really think about it…"

"You'd be fine if I left… for two years," she forced her tone to stay even, despite the shock. Did he care that little that he made no play for asking her NOT to go?

He shrugged. "It's your life, Liv. I can't live it for you."

His tone was cold, and she felt like she'd been slapped.

"Alright," she answered bitterly. "I'll take the job!"

"Good," he responded with a shrug.

Olivia stood from the desk and stormed out. She wanted to get away from him, any place was better than where she was. She paced the CRIB for a while, and then came out to make herself a coffee. She thought about going straight to the Captain, and telling him she'd take the job, she'd leave as early as the next morning. But she felt herself pulled. She didn't want to go… not really, Olivia liked it with Elliot. She liked their constant banter and disagreements, she liked that he drove her home most nights, she even liked that he held her hand. She wasn't sure she was ready to let all of that go.

But as long as he had no ties to him, as long as he was telling her it didn't matter what the hell she did, or where she went, she felt lonely… lost even. Maybe her place had never been here with him; maybe it had always been somewhere else.

With a deep breath, she trudged into the Captain's office.

"Close the door," he ordered.

She did so.

"I gather you already decided," he guessed.

"Yes, Cap. I um… I think I'll take it."

"You're sure?" he looked stunned.

Olivia nodded gently, her face telling him that she was anything but sure.

"You talk to Elliot?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"He told me I should take it. Said it was a good opportunity for me," she tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but it didn't go unnoticed and Cragen raised an eyebrow.

"He really said that?"

"Yes, Cap, he did… I think I need to take this job." She was sure of it now. Sure she needed the time away to gather her thoughts and to make the appropriate changes in her life. Yes, time away from Elliot Stabler, was just what she needed to recapture herself.

"Alright," her boss nodded. "I'll file the paperwork."

"When do I…"

"In about a week," he answered.

A WEEK? That seemed so long. She sighed heavily and nodded. A week would have to do!

_Thank you to all those who are interested in an update on this FF. THANKS for the reviews and alerts, and I hope you look forward to the next chapter. :)_

_Post a review and let me know!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I know I haven't uploaded in FOREVER, and I'm sorry… no excuses, except that I have been working frantically on other FF's and there are not enough hours in the day… but I promise to be better in the future. :D_

_I left off with Olivia telling Cragen that she'll take the job because El said that it was HER life… :D _

Neither of them had said a single word in more than ten minutes, as they sat on the curb, at a stake-out, waiting for a perp to make a move. Elliot had the radio playing country music on a low volume, hoping it would drive Olivia to talk, but she said nothing. She sat staring out the window.

Elliot was first to break the silence.

"So you talk to the Captain already?" he asked. He had overheard talk in the precinct that Olivia was going to be gone in a week, and assumed it had to do with the job opportunity she had.

Olivia shifted in the passenger's seat, hoping to avoid the subject of her job transference, at least until she was out the door and attending work miles away from him.

"Yeah," she said unable to keep the bitterness from her voice.

He waited another minute for asking.

"You take the job?"

"You told me to," she muttered.

"I didn't tell you to," he shot back defensively. "I said it was your life."

"Right," she agreed. "So I'm living it."

He scoffed. "You didn't even bother telling me."

"I just did!" she snapped.

"Yeah, cause I asked. If I didn't who bloody knows if you'd ever tell me!"

Olivia sat there seething. He was the one who had cared less if she left or not, and now he dared to pretend he cared now. She was livid. Who the hell did he think he was?

"Listen, Liv, to me a partner is someone who can be trusted… you told me that, and now you think because it's you in the hot seat it's okay to go and-"

"Back off!" she snapped turning on him. "You told me to take the Goddamn job, Elliot! How is this MY fault when you told me it was MY life and you didn't make my decisions… what are you afraid of, that you can't go on without me?" she posed.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he scoffed.

"I'm serious," she folded her arms across her chest and stared him down. "What is this really about?" she demanded.

It took him a moment to answer.

"Do you really have to ask?"

She stared at him a moment, trying to draw the conclusion. She felt Elliot shift in his seat and she drew in a breath. "I'm asking…" she whispered.

"Liv, I…"

Before he got the words out, his focus shifted to the job at hand, and he saw the suspect walk past the car, and into a side street. He started the engine, ignoring the conversation with Olivia. "There he is," he said.

Olivia switched gears, mentally, and turned her attention to the job, as Elliot was doing.

This conversation was on hold.

_I know you deserve a longer chapter for waiting, but *shrugs* what can you do. My attention span is short… lol. Reviews would be wonderful… I need a reason to post the next chapter. :D_

Elliot begins to have nightmares… he can't protect her or save her… and she's gone… he wakes up sweating.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you for the interest in this story… YAY for E/O. I hope you like this chapter… I think I do, but it's YOUR opinion that matters. :D_

_His eyes scanned the area, knowing the danger that was around. He felt his insides explode, as he searched the crowd frantically, trying to locate the perp before he endangered the lives of the civilians. _

_The gunshot was deafening, and on reflex he turned to protect his partner. That's what he saw it, the bullet having pierced Olivia straight through the chest. She collapsed against him, and he reached out to hold on to her. Panic seized him as he realized the little hope that surrounded her survival. She was losing too much blood. He could feel the wetness of it oozing into his shirt as he held her against him, tight and panicked. _

"_Liv… I'm here," he whispered desperately. _

_She had no reply for him. _

_He felt something changing, like she was slipping away from him, as if she was letting go of him. "Don't go…" he begged pleadingly. "Hold on, Liv. Hold on." His voice was desperate but his attempts were in vain, as he felt her body go limp. He pulled her closer to him, as she became lifeless. Tears rolled unchecked down his face as he cried into her, regretful for all the things he didn't say or do._

Elliot gasped as he sat up in bed, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead. It was the second night in a row that he'd had a similar nightmare. He couldn't seem to reach her before the gun went off… he couldn't seen to save her no matter how hard he tried. His mind reflected the images, causing his chest to tighten. How was he supposed to tell her to stay… how much he wanted her to stay?

He felt Kathy stir beside him and groan softly.

"El… again?" she moaned.

"Go back to sleep," he ordered. Kathy rolled over.

He lay in the dark for a long time, his eyes wide open, afraid to go to sleep, afraid if he closed his eyes he would lose her all over again. It felt so real, to him, that his chest was crushing. He didn't like feeling so vulnerable, or so desperate. When did all this become so complicated? Olivia had been his partner for 12 years, she had left him before, and he'd managed to cope… painfully, but cope, nonetheless. What was so different this time?

TWO YEARS, his mind screamed. TWO DAMN YEARS WITHOUT HER!

He felt Kathy shift beside him, and he held his breath, he didn't want to wake her. She rolled over and a moment later he heard the low level of her snoring. For once it didn't make him want to smother her with a pillow in a desperate attempt for sleep. Instead, it gave him comfort and consolation to hear the familiar sound of his wife. It was soothing.

As he lay there, he decided to at least TALK to Olivia about her transfer. Maybe it wasn't too late to get to her change her mind. All those years of partnership had to account for something. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was a make or break situation. He just knew that he couldn't stand behind without her for 2 years, and if she did leave, he doubted very much that she'd come back to Special Victims Unit, and who even knows if he'd be there.

Elliot left for work before the sun had risen, stopping on the way to buy coffee and breakfast croissants. The precinct had instant coffee, but he and Olivia preferred the store-made coffee, and tea. He decided to purchase a tea for Olivia, with a slight gut feeling that she might be there when he arrived. She was. Already working at her desk, she looked up in surprise when he walked in.

He deposited the cup of tea and a croissant on her desk and took his own seat.

She made no acknowledgements.

"Could sleep either?" he asked.

"I figured I better make use of my time and finish all my paperwork… I don't want to leave it to Cragen," she replied, her voice indifferent.

"Liv… about you leaving," he started. "Do you think that-"

El," she interrupted. "I don't want to talk about this with you we'll just end up in an argument."

"I don't want to argue," he said patiently. "I just want to talk about it."

Olivia shook her head. "Let's not,"

"Liv, come on, can't we just-"

She slammed her fist on the desk, making him jump. "I'm leaving, Elliot. I think it's the right thing to do. It might be time for a change."

He shook his head. "But…" his voice trailed off, as he considered his next words. She had already made her decision to leave, and him asking her to stay, was a waste of time.

Olivia turned her attention to her paperwork.

He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair.

_Review please! *puppy dog eyes* I have a doozy coming up in the next chapter. :D_

_OHHH I can't WAIT to post it, you are going to LOVE it! If I get 6 reviews, I'll post it. _


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I was just playing around with this chapter, but it was SUPER fun, so I hope it turned out alright. :D Enjoy._

Elliot lay awake for a long time, forcing his eyes open; he didn't want to go to sleep in case he had to face the end of Olivia's life over again. He wasn't ready for that, not again, not having to face a day of work with sinister cases, and sick perps, who at any time could make his nightmare a reality. But his body couldn't withstand the lack of sleep he had had since the news of Olivia leaving. It was too much already, to ask his body to sleep whenever he wasn't working a case, but to force it to stay awake when he COULD be sleeping, was pushing the limits.

His eyes closed, and while he fought against slumber, he lost, slowly drifting into the recesses of un-consciousness.

_Elliot Stabler found himself sitting alone in his house, the divorce papers in his hand. __**When did that happen?**__ He thought silently. __**I'm divorced?**__ Then he remembered how life had changed since Olivia had departed. She had taken the job with Hummer, leaving him alone to partner with someone he hated, some moron who not only bent the rules for convenience but BROKE the rules more than once a day because it seemed easier than taking the hard road. He hated work, and missing Olivia had made him horrible to live with. All he did was fight with his wife, all he did was scream at how horrible the world was, and how little and lost he felt without his partner. He never vocalized his thoughts regarding Olivia to Kathy, but she wasn't stupid, and it didn't take long for her to pick up the signs. _

_She had broached the subject with him, accusing him of being in love with Olivia, which he had of course denied, accusing her of being overdramatic. Kathy had flew off the handle, and told him he had to either pick up his game and stop acting like someone had died, or she was leaving. _

_Nothing had changed in seven months, and Kathy, fed up, eventually left, taking her kids back to her parent's house, until she could sort something else out with a new home. She served him with divorce papers six months after that. _

_As Elliot sat in his house, impassive about the divorce papers he held, he thought of Olivia. He couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't work the same way he couldn't think the same way. Without even realizing she had become the other half of him, she had become his rock, his consolation, his conscious, and without her he couldn't hold himself together. _

_He quit his job, and began to work for the government, picking up everyone's garbage. "Garbo-man" he was now, referred to. His days of police work were over, and so was his reputation. Years had passed. He never smiled. He was miserable. _

_At a subway station, he saw her. His heart pounded as he called her name. _

"_Olivia Benson!" _

_She turned around to the sound of her name, and she smiled vaguely as they walked, meeting somewhere in the middle of the platform. She hadn't changed at all, unlike him who had aged at least ten years and evidently so. His clothes were ragged and worn, and he smelt like a rubbish tip. She smelt like Peaches and Coconut, he wanted to drink her in, but he was cautious at keeping his distance, careful not to scare her. _

"_It's been a long time," he acknowledged. _

"_Yeah," she nodded seeming unbothered by that statement. _

_Elliot frowned. "How have you been?"_

"_Good," she looked at her watch. _

"_Still working with Hummers?"_

"_Nuh," she said off-handedly. "I gave that up years ago."_

"_Liv, I… I miss you," he bared himself venerably. It had been so long, and he had wasted so many years. He wasn't going to let the opportunity pass. "I should have asked you to stay, Liv. I'm sorry I didn't. I made a lot of mistakes. But I won't do it again… I should have told you years ago, how in love with you, I was, but I'm not even sure I knew it," he confessed._

_Olivia looked bored at his confession. "Things change, El. I'm a mother… and a wife," she laughed. _

"_You got married?" he felt a crushing blow to his chest. _

"_Of course…" she smiled. "Did you think I was going to wait for you, forever? Come on, El. You were married, and you didn't even care that I left."_

"_I cared…" he stressed. "I did." _

"_You never said so," she shrugged. _

"_I should have said. I was a mess without you, I didn't even… I didn't want you to go then and I don't want you to go now…"_

_She looked at her watch again. "Sorry I have to. I have a husband and child to take care of. I'm a better spouse than you ever were… you never paid attention, El, not when it __**really**__ mattered. That was your problem."_

_He was desperate to hang onto her. _

"_I know, I know…" he stressed, frantic with the panic of her leaving again. "I love you, Olivia. I always did. I just didn't know it… I got divorced. I thought about you too much, and Kathy she-"_

_Olivia shrugged again, his words didn't impact her, they meant nothing. "I really have to go," she brushed his arm lightly, the way she had done so many times in the past. "Take care… bye." _

Elliot's eyes shot open, and he struggled to breathe.

"El…" Kathy whispered placing a hand on his arm. "Are you alright?"

He groaned.

"Another nightmare?" she guessed.

"Mmm," he responded.

He was beginning to find it hard to tell the difference between what was real, and what wasn't, but his dreams and the reality of his life were in chaos.

"What was it about?" she pressed.

"Go back to sleep," he ordered.

Kathy sat up and switched on the light. She turned to her husband and watched him for a moment.

"What's going on, Elliot?" she asked gently. "Something has been worrying you for days. This is the fifth night in a row you had a nightmare… what's going on?"

He patted her hand. "Nothing, Kathy. It's fine."

"Is it a case?"

Elliot sighed, feeling like a jerk, as he nodded. He didn't want to lie to her, but telling her about Olivia's plan to leave him, was just going to create an argument he could simply do without. "yeah, but it's- I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright," she sighed. "I love you, Elliot."

He smiled weakly. "Yeah, me too,"

She flicked the light off and a few minutes later she was snoring softly beside him. He couldn't understand why in the last week, he had been unable to say the words, "I love you, too" before he drifted off to sleep, or why on earth he would dream about Olivia, in a way that made his heart ache.

_Hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviews would be a wonderful help… if you want the next chapter. :D_

_Is it just me, or did you feel REALLY bad for Elliot in that dream? _


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Next chapter… no dreams in this one… I wanted to set up the story for the departure and I wanted them to kinda make up by to still have tension between them… this is what I came up with, I hope you like it. :)_

Intent on changing the situation with what little he had to work with, Elliot walked into the precinct one morning, and approached Olivia. "If you decided to go, then I support you," he started. She looked up, he had her attention. "The opportunity COULD be really good for you, and you could help those kids… and you'll be great. I just don't want to spend the last two days we have together fighting about it. So…"

"So, okay," she agreed.

"Can I take you to dinner?" he posed.

Olivia hesitated. "Are you trying to get me to change my mind?"

_YES!_ "No," he denied.

She nodded slowly. "Alright. Dinner. Tonight."

He smiled concealing the giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was a start.

The day seemed to drag on, and all Elliot could think about was where he was going to take her for dinner, and how to make it special. His mind was on the night's events and not on the case at hand, but thankfully, no one else seemed to notice.

When the day finally drew to a close, Elliot grabbed his jacket and swung it over his shoulders, before snatching Olivia's coat from the back of her chair, he opened it to make it easier for her to slip her arms in.

She rolled her eyes. "I can do it myself," she insisted.

"I know you can…" he replied still holding the coat for her.

She sighed and slipped her arms inside. Then she followed him outside.

Elliot took her to the _Voltaire_, which was more than elegant. She smiled shyly as they walked through the door. "I feel far too underdressed," she told him looking down at the black pants and red blouse.

He smiled. "You look great…"

"Liar," she teased.

"Serious," he stared at her until she looked away.

After they were seated, and ordered their drinks, Elliot raised the subject of her moving.

"When do you leave?"

"The day after tomorrow," she said. Was that sadness he caught in her expression?

"That's soon," he replied.

Olivia nodded.

When dinner came they chatted about mundane things, the latest case, the weather, the food, they spoke about everything but what was really weighing on their minds. They laughed, allowing humor to enter the conversation. They told old stories and got lost in a time loop.

When the story ended, she looked at him, and he looked at her… something happened. His heart exploded in his chest, and he struggled to breathe, and by the look on her face, it mirrored everything he felt.

"Liv, about you leaving…" he whispered.

It seemed to pull them back to reality.

"Let's not do this," she pleaded breaking the trance and looking away. "I don't want to fight when we don't have that much time left."

"We could have more time… if you wanted," he shrugged, for the first time opening up about his feelings concerning her transfer. He didn't want her to go, it was that simple, and he was tired of pretending that it was all okay. The on-going nightmares were evident that he wasn't dealing the situation well.

Olivia stared at him, definitely sadness in her eyes. He wanted to whisk her away to a place that excluded all pain and heartache… a place that would stop the nightmares… a place that would stop her leaving, and the pain in his chest to vanish.

"It's late," she said glancing at her watch.

"So?"

"I get should get home," she said.

Elliot nodded. He got the picture. He stood and paid the bill, and a moment later they walked out of the restaurant. It was time he cut his losses. She was leaving, and he was stranded.

_Next chapter is the deciding vote… does she leave or stay? _

_Review and I'll post the next chapter so you can find out. :D Evil aren't I?_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Intense E/O love… do we want to read ahead… HELLS YEAH! :D_

His nightmare was slightly different this night, it was the opposite of a nightmare, where his dreams filled his heart with hope and he was led to a place of complete ecstasy.

He was bolted awake by the sound of a ringing phone.

_Damn, if this isn't an emergency, I'll kill 'em._

The call came from Munch.

"Stabler!" he answered groggily. He rolled over in bed, expecting to be hauled in for a new investigation. But he was surprised when Munch told him it was a personal call. Munch NEVER called him about personal issues, his partner was Fin, and that was what he was for.

"Listen, I don't know if you need to know this… or you want to be filled in on the details or whatever-"

Elliot's patience was low. "What is it Munch?" he demanded.

"Olivia's leaving…"

"Got that memo," he said rolling his eyes. He was bit slow in catching up with the news.

"NOW!" he stated.

Elliot's blood ran cold. She was leaving, this minute, while he was still in bed. He glanced at the clock. It was only seven am he wasn't due to go in until eight. He still had plenty of time to say his goodbyes, and talk her out of leaving. Or so he thought…

"NOW?" he cried. "But she wasn't leaving until later this afternoon. She's leaving, right now?" he bolted out of bed and pulled an arm through a clean shirt, as he gripped the phone to his ear. Kathy stirred, but he ignored it, eager to find out where Olivia was, and how fast he could get there before she was gone.

"Yes," Munch answered calmly from his end. He had spoken to Olivia early, and she had explained her wanting to leave before she saw Elliot and she changed her mind. Munch hadn't wanted her to go, she was an asset to the team at Special Victims Unit. He had excused himself from the room and called Elliot instantly. If he hurried, and luck was on his side, he might very well be able to stop her before she left the precinct. "RUN!" he ordered.

"I'm on my way!" he pressed the END button on his mobile and shoved it in his pocket. He bolted for the door, Kathy sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes.

"What happened?" she asked looking panicked.

"I have to go… I'll call you later!" he didn't stop.

He run to his car, he drove as fast as the speed limit allowed, and when it was too long, he put on the police siren's and sped through to get to the precinct. They were warned against using the siren for personal reasons, but he didn't care, this was an emergency. He prayed. All the way to the precinct, he prayed to the God he had believed in all his life, for her to be there when he arrived. Promising he'd never ask a single thing from God again, if he granted this prayer.

He saw her on the curb, when he pulled the Sedan to a stop, putting a box into the boot of a taxi.

He got out the car, and slammed the door, making enough noise to make her look up. Munch stood by the taxi, obviously attempting to delay her leaving until he got there. _Thank him later_, Elliot reminded himself.

The color drained from her face, as she watched him approach.

Elliot sighed heavily, evidently showing the hurt on his face. "You were going to leave without so much as a goodbye?" he demanded.

Olivia dropped her shoulders in defeat. "I thought it would be easier," she told him when he reached her. There was something devastating in her eyes.

He took her hand and forced her to look at him. "You can't go…" he whispered.

"El," she sighed.

He shook his head. "Don't go… God, please don't go. When you asked me what I thought about you leaving, I felt sick. I was stunned. I thought- I freaked out… I don't want you to go. I don't want another partner. I don't want to work with ANYONE else, EVER!" he stressed.

She reached out her arms and hugged him, making it impassive and cursory. "I have to go," she said simply. "Goodbye El. Take care…"

"That's all I get?" he yelled. "A dumb hug and a 'take care', I deserve MORE than that, for a decade of partnership!"

"I know," she nodded as the tears began to build in her eyes. Now he was getting somewhere, now emotion was beginning to show, he could work with that. She DID care, somewhat. All he had to do was be as honest as he could with her now.

"I never paid attention when it mattered. I made mistakes. I screwed up more often than not, but I won't walk away from you now…" he whispered.

She turned to climb into the cab.

"OLIVIA!" he screamed. His eyes were glassy. He had to do something to make her stay, there had to be some words to change her mind. She watched him carefully. "Don't go…" he begged. "I couldn't stand it if you left again. For the last week I've been having nightmares about you leaving, or getting hurt, and I can't stop it… but I can stop this. I can stop you from leaving, because if you go… if you leave now, Liv-"

She seemed to understand him then, and she threw her arms around his neck, her body wracking with sobs as he held her tight, grateful that he had managed to catch her, grateful that she hadn't gotten into the cab and disappeared from her life forever.

He held her close, smelling the scent of her hair… vanilla and peach… _Oh God, I've died and gone to Heaven. She has the scent of an angel… what the hell is wrong with me?_

Olivia pulled back grinning slightly. "Are you smelling my hair?" she asked.

He shrugged. He wasn't ashamed. Not this time. "So sue me," he said quietly.

"Elliot, I…" her eyes locked on his.

He leaned in closer, waiting for the words that mirrored his own.

"Stabler!" a voice boomed. "Benson!"

Both of them snapped their eyes to look at Cragen who stood in the entrance of the building.

"Inside… we have a break in the case!" he stated.

Both of them looked to each other and smiled. "Let's get to work…" Elliot said. "Munch, can you get the bags out of the cab!"

"No worries," he winked.

Elliot patted his shoulder as he followed Olivia inside.

_Did you like it? Reviews can be VERY important… :)_

_Next chapter involves Kathy… well, well, how does SHE handle the news!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Enter KATHY… good luck, El… you're gonna need it, and to you reading this story… Ps, thanks for reading, you're a gem. :D_

Elliot was smiling when he walked into the house, a grin on his face the size of Texas. It vanished the moment he walked into his bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. She looked tired.

"What's wrong?" he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Kathy barely looked at him. "I'm leaving!"

The words stung him instantly.

"Le- leaving… what- what do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Where are the kids?" the house was quite and he couldn't feel the presence of his children.

"At mom's…" she answered.

"Kathy, what's going on?"

"Don't pretend Elliot, it just makes me angrier."

"What?" he demanded.

She stopped packing and turned to face him. "I've seen you act out of sorts for a week, you have nightmares that you DON'T discuss with me, YOUR wife, and you come waltzing in the door with a smile and expect me to play the same game. I'm NOT stupid!"

Elliot's head was spinning.

"I never said you were… you're not, I never-" he crossed the room and grabbed her gently by the shoulders, forcing eye contact. "I never think you're stupid, but right now, you are acting crazy… what the hell is going on?"

She snatched her shoulders back, and stepped away from him. "You make me sick!" she spat.

Elliot frowned, trying to piece the puzzle together. Nothing came.

"OLIVIA!" she screamed throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "IT'S ABOUT OLIVIA!"

Elliot's expression was the picture of a thousand words.

"Kathy…"

"NO!" she barked. "Don't touch me! I have stood by you for the longest time, and you do this to me? You betray me!"

"I never betrayed you!" he stressed.

"You stand there and you lie to my face…" she shook her head, looking like she was ready to smash his head into a wall if he said anything else to contradict her words.

"I am NOT lying," he insisted. "I never betrayed you."

She nodded, unbelieving. "So you can stand there, and tell me that you don't think about her at night, that the nightmares you have weren't about her… that every time you get a call or text message you don't smile with the hope that's in Olivia asking for your help, on a case or some personal issue that only YOU can help her with. I'm guessing she didn't take the job with Hummers?" she challenged.

"You knew?" he breathed.

"You didn't tell me."

"Kathy," he began.

"DON'T!" tears began to build up in her eyes. "Let me walk out of here with some dignity at least. I was always there for you, El, I always did MY best, you never let me in… but you let HER!"

He lowered his head in defeat. He couldn't deny it. "It was my way of protecting you."

"Don't even… it was your way of protecting what you had with Olivia Benson! It was HER you wanted, not me… guess what," she shrugged. "You can have her now. I don't want you. I'm done! I won't play second to a woman you'll never leave."

"What does that mean?" he snapped.

She smiled bitterly. "I'd ask you choose, but I'm afraid that you wouldn't choose me."

Elliot was stunned, as he watched her pack and leave.

"I'll call you to make arrangements about visitation rights," she called over her shoulder as she closed the door behind her.

He dropped to the bed, the smile on his face long gone, and a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, that he was almost certain would never go away.

_What do you think? Reviews are great… I'll add the next chapter when I get enough evidence that you want more… :D_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Thanks guys… you've all been great… NEXT chappie!_

The next time Elliot and Olivia had a moment alone, it was awkward. Neither had mentioned anything about her staying, and Elliot hadn't told her that Kathy had left him because she knew how he was feeling towards his partner. The tension in the room seemed to heighten as they sat across from each other at their desks in the precinct. Everyone else had left for home. Olivia had to finish her paperwork regarding the latest case, and Elliot didn't want to go home to an empty house. It was too lonely, and all he did was think about Olivia… he figured he might as well be thinking about her, in front of her, rather than behind closed doors.

"Want me to make a pot of coffee?" he offered.

Olivia shrugged seemingly indifferent.

He stood and waltzed over to the coffee machine, and poured himself a cup of coffee and Olivia a cup of tea. He sat back down at his desk a few minutes later, after handing her the drink.

"So…' he started.

She looked up with quizzical eyes.

"Kathy left."

It took a moment to respond.

"Left where?" he noticed that she looked nervous.

He smiled. Did he make her nervous? She shifted her eyes from him, staring at a blank spot on the wall. Yeah, he made her nervous.

"She saw through me…" he explained subtly.

She shot him a smile of sympathy. "That can't be good…"

"Nuh, she…" he hesitated. "She knew what it was I wanted."

"What did you want?" she asked in a whisper, despite the absence of another being in the precinct.

There was a long pause.

"You…" he answered.

The silence was deafening.

_I know its SUPER short… but the next chapter is the last… happy ending? YES! Me too… :D_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thanks guys… you've been incredible. Now, the last chapter comes to you with love… and an E/O ending that we all wish would enter the brain of Dick Wolff… even if it was a bonus episode that had no bearing on the show… wouldn't that be cool, kinda like an Alternate Reality for SVU. :) _

"Are you going to say something?" Elliot asked after a considerable amount of time had passed without speaking. His palms were sweating; he could feel the beads of perspiration making their way down his forehead. Had he spoken too soon? Said too much? Had he freaked her out?

"I don't know what to say," she admitted sheepishly.

"A response might be good," he smiled nervously.

She stared at him, saying nothing.

Elliot knew what she was trying to tell him, and awkwardly stood from the chair at his desk. "I get it… it's alright," he turned towards the exit door.

"El, wait…"

He didn't wait.

At home a while later, he lay alone in the big bed, feeling the absence of another body beside him. He missed his children. He turned over, trying to get comfortable. His mobile beeped, and he scrolled down the page to the read the text. Y DO U ALWYS LEV THGS UNFISHED? He dropped the phone beside the bed, and groaned, leaving the text unanswered. _Because rejection hurts_, he thought bitterly.

A few minutes later the melody of his ringing phone told him that Olivia was calling. He had personalized it, and on average smiled whenever the melody played, eager to be with her, talk to her, now as he let the phone ring out, this was the very few times in twelve years that he didn't want to hear her voice.

He lay there, wide awake, allowing his imagination to run wild with thoughts of how he would have liked the night to progress. Lying alone in bed wasn't one of them. He imagined the power of her lips against his, the passion that would roar to life once their bodies combined into one, he imagined the way the words would roll off his tongue when he told her the feelings he had been keeping to himself for a decade.

Elliot had always loved walking the streets of New York City with her, side by side, their arms swinging closely. Had he not been married, he would have even dared to hold her hand. He wanted to hold her hand on more than one occasion. He wondered if the thought had ever crossed her mind. It didn't matter now. Kathy had left him, and Olivia still wasn't interested.

He had his answer.

It must have been twenty minutes later when his phone buzzed with warning of a new text message. He snatched it, and scrolled down to read it. MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS! LIV

His stomach seemed to explode with anticipation, as he leapt from the bed and almost ran down stairs to open the door. Had she changed her mind? Had she had the chance to think about it, and decided that he was worth the risk?

Without too much thought, he yanked the door open. There she stood, on the steps of his home, dressed in a black silk night gown, most of it covered by an open dressing gown. He grinned, and opened his mouth to speak, but she was quick and pushed her hands against his chest and slammed him into the wall, crushing her lips to his. His body responded quicker than he would have given credit for, his hands slipping easily around her waist, and playing with the small of her back, which she instantly arched wrapping one leg around his, trying to bridge any gap between them.

Olivia let out a moan.

"Kathy really left you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he murmured.

Elliot's head spun with the passion that ignited between them, more powerful than his imagination had thought up, more powerful than anything he and Kathy had ever experienced. He wanted her now, more than he ever had.

She parted her lips beneath his, and allowed his tongue the access it craved.

"Look what you do to me…" she sighed, titling her head back as he began a trail of kisses down her neck. "Elliot Stabler…"

"Does this mean you want me?" he smiled edging his kisses closer to her mouth.

She groaned pressing himself firm against him in answer. "If you don't shut up, I'll shoot you…" she threatened breathless from their actions.

Elliot laughed and lifted her into his arms, cradling her as he smacked his lips on hers once again, and carried her into the bedroom. He deposited her on the bed in one gentle action, and crawled over her, careful not to drop his entire body weight on her. She pulled at his shirt, unbuttoning it as fast as her fumbling fingers could manage she slipped the shirt off his shoulders exposing his torso, and smiled as she ran her fingers across it.

"What?" he asked curious to her thoughts.

"All my life…" she whispered.

"You haven't known me all your life," he reminded her.

Passion could make one do crazy things.

"I waited for you," she said locking eyes with him.

A moment of staring and both met lips again.

Elliot, suddenly aware of the fast pace of their actions forced himself to stop, and sat up, drawing away from her carefully.

Olivia frowned looking panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he assured her stroking her cheek with a graceful swift move of his index finger. "I just wanted to make sure that this is…"

Olivia grinned and pulled at him again, "If you have to ask that, El, you're not the clever detective I know," she kissed him again.

Elliot's hands managed to find her wrists and grasped them tightly as he pulled back again. She wasn't making it easy for him. "We need to take a moment to breathe," he said.

"What are you, a girl?" she teased brushing her lips against the soft texture of his neck.

"God, Liv… I…" he was struggling with his body. "I'm trying… to… tell you… something."

Olivia sighed and pulled back, looking irritated as she waited for him to speak.

"What is so important that you have to ruin the moment?" she challenged.

He rolled his eyes at her choice of words. "I'm trying to tell you, detective Olivia Benson that I am in love with you, I have been you for a decade."

A smile of delight filled her smile, reaching all the way to her eyes.

"Well…" he waited for a response.

"I knew that already," she shrugged.

"You did?"

She laughed playfully. "Elliot Stabler, you have never been the type to hold back your emotions, why should this be any different."

"You made me wait this long?" he accused as his hands braced the side of her waist.

"You made me wait…" she scolded.

He nodded. "And do you love me, Olivia Benson?" he asked.

"As stubborn and arrogant and stupid as you are…" she laughed.

"Liv… that's not nice," he frowned.

"I mirror your personality…"

"Since when?"

"Since, I fell in love with you back…" she smiled.

"Alright," he said.

He didn't make a move to kiss her right away.

"Elliot?" she asked.

"What?"

"I still have a gun…"

"And…" he shrugged.

"I know how to use it!"

"Me too,"

"Elliot…"

"What?"

"If you don't do something to me _right now_, I won't be responsible for what happens," she warned.

He laughed. "I'm already doing something to you."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Making you crazy!" he stated matter-of-factly.

Olivia didn't deny it, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his so gently that it made his head spin.

THE END!

_Ps. I apologize for getting carried away… sometimes I just can't help but want these two together… you agree, don't you? :)_

_Reviews would be wonderful, but since I have nothing to bargain with, it comes under good faith on your part. Have you done your good deed for today? NO! Click that button then, and make a writer happy… :}_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: I know we aren't supposed to do this, so if people get annoyed… I understand, but its hard to get people to read something that's not popular._

_I am a fan of Chris Meloni, and those of you who are reading this, must be too, I just started a new FF about him from the movie CARRIERS released last year. Will those who love CHRIS have a look, its entitled UNCONTAMINATED…_

_Please… if you liked my work here… I think you'll like this new one too!_


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